Family life,  Selfcare

What are Family Constellations?

Years ago I joined a family constellations session. I didn’t have a clue what it was about. My plan was to sit in the back and just witness the event. But before I knew it, I was in the center of it all, because the coachee asked me to represent her. To my big surprise I heard myself say things and feel things that did not make any sense to me, but the more they made sense to this coachee. The session showed her important aspects of her youth that she had not been aware of until then. It was an afternoon I will never forget.

It took me some years until I picked up a book about the subject. Learning more about it made it clear to me that this was what I wanted to do. Without putting too much thought into it I signed up for a course. That was last summer. Now I have been practicing and enjoying this amazing therapy tool for a year and still have 4 months of training ahead. Let me tel you more.

Family Constellations is an old form of healing that is used eg by Shamans. It helps us see the undercurrent that has been hidden until then. The most well known way of family constellations is when people represent family members and important themes in this family. For example if in the family infidelity is an important theme, one person will be asked to represent this. It provides insight and this clarity helps us to heal.

We are part of many systems; work, country of origin, country of residence, groups of friends. Each with their own structure, rules, soul and conscience. But the system that shapes us the most is our family system.

Different circumstances in the family can shape you and make you the person you are today. When the system comes under pressure – for example because of the extra care for a sick or disabled child – there is a good chance that another child from the same family already behaves unconsciously as an ‘adult’ as a child

In order not to bring the system out of balance and to relieve the parents, he or she has convinced himself or herself to always be strong and to arrange everything himself. Such a pattern that arose in childhood (completely unconsciously) can be characteristic for the rest of your life.

Perhaps things have happened in the past that your (grand)parents were unable or hardly able to give a place. A never talked about miscarriage, an illegitimate child or a family division due to war can affect your current life. Even if something happened generations ago. Patters as a result of such a (hidden) event almost always arise unconsciously.

A family constellation is meant to bring such unconscious patterns to the surface. The trick is to take your whole family, including all events and miseries, as it is, so that everything can have a place and there is room for change.

This last year I have been deeply moved many times by doing family constellations. Like the one time that I asked what made me shy away from success. By the end of the session I had my female line, that is my great-grandmother and her mother and hers etc., backing me up. In front of me there stood ‘success’ laughing at me and inviting me into a big hug. The female line was supporting me to let go of my loyalty to the women before me. Those women were raised in times where women were not supposed to be successful but to be supporting their husbands. After this I felt like a heavy weight had been taken off of me.

It’s typical that themes like these are carried on by next generations. Even though it doesn’t make sense anymore. A session like this works on two levels. First of all it gives you a crystal clear picture of what is going on, of what is impacting you on a subconscious level. Second, a constellation starts to move and heal the field, helps to restore the energy flow in the system.

There are many ways to work with constellations. In a 1 – to – 1 session we obviously can’t work with living representatives, but instead I use paper. This also is an incredible powerful way.

Do you want to know how family constellations can help you make sustainable changes? Book a free 30 minute Zoom call with me, so I can tell you more about this amazing therapeutic tool.

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